Reflections

This post has little to do with Arlo, i'm afraid. Don't worry; he's fine, in the awesome care of my husband and my in-laws... I miss him terribly. Currently I am in Bowling Green taking care of my father. My mom is in the ICU wing of the hospital and I am extremely overwhelmed. I'm headed back tomorrow to be "mommy" again although I think I have been mommy all along while I have been here in BG.

My mom is sick. I'm not sure if she'll ever fully recover from whatever it is that is going on. Doctor says it's septic shock>inflamed liver>crappy blood pressure> strange blood loss with an encore of *" we don't really know what the hell is going on". I keep going to my phone. I keep going to it because I want to call her. I want to call and ask her for help. And then the realization comes that I can't. The ONE person I need right now is the one person who can't help me.

I love her beyond words, beyond this blog, beyond anything. I find it hard to really talk about what's going on which is odd since I am always an advocate for talking about anything that is bothersome. I've never felt so completely helpless. So I beg of you, people who read this, to do what you can to send happy thoughts, prayers, etc this way. Not just for my mom but for my entire family. Dad is tripping along but he needs major support, encouragement and love. I do feel some guilt that I can't be here 24/7 for him but that's my own doing, he doesn't give me any grief. And at the same time I feel super guilty that I am not at home with my OWN family. I guess the correct term for that would be " pulled". But nobody is pulling me but myself.

I'm doing what I can-- cleaning, being secretary to all the phone calls and inquiries... but really my biggest focus is mom. This house is so empty without her.

Thanks for reading my vent.:)

Up and Runnin'

Seems I've lazed out with writing over the past few months, but generally everything has been somewhat the same( as " the same" as it can be with a kid). Now enter the last few weeks: MAJOR GAME CHANGE! One of those " well shit, I thought things were kind of settling down for a bit but NOPE, YOU COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG" game changers.  Arlo began walking pretty fiercely a couple of weeks ago and my attention span/energy level really need to catch up. We were at a birthday party the other day and I thought he was right next to me... turns out he was, but had quickly sauntered off to another child's birthday cake with plans to consume the sugary contents that did not belong to him( hands outstretched, asking the child's mother " Cake?" very pitifully even though I had been trying to feed him his own piece of cake for about 15 minutes but with no luck).  He was so obsessed with walking around observing everyone else and their "cake" that I had to take him in another room away from all the others to get him to eat. He reminded me of a balding restaurant manager in some dark Italian joint in jersey careening around his  family owned restaurant, schmoozing with the patrons.

It couldn't be more bittersweet. One the one hand, thank goodness he is fully mobile. On the other, holy crap, he is fully mobile. He's not a baby anymore...and I can't really pinpoint why that makes me sad. I wasn't very adaptive to the newborn thing. I had a lot of trouble with it. I'm having so much fun now... but for some reason, every now and again, I get a little weepy when I see him chasing sadie around the living room. He's such a joy and that smile of his is absolutely amazing... I can't wait to see his next trick.:)

A Year in the Life

Well folks, we've made to that high water mark... one year. 13 months now, to be exact. I can't begin to express how much easier and gratifying mommyhood has become, so I won't. Just know that it's worlds away from what it was a year ago... still have our ups and downs, major nap strikes, the makings of an interesting little temper... but I'm not sitting on the couch at 3AM sobbing every other night. That alone makes it better.:)

I feel years older than I did this time last year. I have learned so much, and I hope Arlo has too. The heartbreak of the miscarriage I had at the end of the year brought a lot of things into perspective for me, one being that I have an amazing little boy and family, and that I am truly lucky. I also re-vamped my passion for things I had set aside for a bit-- music, movies, books, writing... and this makes me feel like "myself" again, whatever that means.

Arlo is not walking yet but he will be soon. He's jabbering a bit, usually experimenting with " dada", the occasional " ma", and lots of " car" and " gobble". Not sure where the "gobble" came from but it's funny nonetheless.  He is still obsessed with baby einsten videos and watches them with the intensity of a crack addict in Reno. I continue to be confounded by his infatuation, but when he refuses to nap they come in very handy so I will remain blissfully befuddled.

I started and ended a job, all within a month. The money was almost non-existent and attempting to manage and organize the lives of  5 other kids not including my own began to take a toll on me. So I'm a full-timer once again, but this go round is proving to be less "frazzled".

So that's somewhat of an update I suppose. My 33rd birthday was last week, and my one resolve was to be more creative. Hold me to it!!

Bleedin' Heart

I made my first home visit today as a mother. I cannot convey with words how much more saddened I felt after a visit now that I have a child of my own. I became aware again of the many, many things we take for granted and become greedy about, and I immediately felt ashamed of my own selfishness as I stumbled up the snowy pathway to my clients' apartment. I came bearing Christmas gifts for the kids from my company, and a very nice young man who had nothing to do with the family I am working with  helped me from my car to the apartment with all the gifts, telling me " you probably shouldn't leave your trunk open like that."
Just because you are in a very impoverished and crime ridden neighboorhood doesn't mean that every person you meet is out to destroy you.

I spoke with the mother who was very articulate and attuned to her children's needs. I will not go into specific details, but I will say this: If you or your child/children have beds, have food, have heat... if you can open the cupboard and find something to eat, a blanket to warm you-- then you are far luckier than so many people. I ask that you think of this during the holiday season and donate either your time or money to help those who so truly need the bare necessities.

Putting Arlo to bed this evening, I was so much more aware of how much he has. Even though our home is heated, we still have a space heater in his room to make sure he is warm. He wears a onesie underneath his  PJ's. He has about a gillion toys and will be getting more when Christmas rolls around. So many kids have so much less than my son does.

Again, this winter I encourage everyone to donate time, money, or things to a charity-- there are so many kiddos and families that are in need of something.  Thank you for listening to my rant, and I hope that everyone has a very Merry Christmas.:)

This one goes to eleven

So there has been quite the hiatus-- and I feel bad for that, because writing about Arlo really has been helpful and therapeutic. But my little man EXPLODED once 10 months came around, and it's been difficult for me to find time to type/think/eat/[insert action here] since. A good friend prodded me along the other day, so here goes nothing. Here are the major things that have happened since I blogged last:

1. We went on a family vacation to Florida. I know, we're lucky... my parents graciously provided room and board in Seagrove Beach, FL for all of us... a place I know well and used to frequent when I was a child. We want to make it a yearly trip now-- but here's hoping over the years the car ride gets better. Actually, it was fine up until the last hour to FL, and the last hour back to OH.... the little man was a trooper and had a blast. Wonderful memories that we want to repeat. Well, all except the jackass at the Arby's in Birmingham who berated me for changing Arlo's clothes in public, even though we were in a corner( there wasn't a changing station in the bathroom). Dude screamed:( and imagine very southern accent) " WELL now I've seen it all!  A baby bein' changed in a rest-u-raaaaaantt". He then tried to get the entire dining room involved in his cause to make me feel like shit while geoff( unknowingly, thank GOD) was still ordering our food. I just told him " Sir, where would YOU have me change my child? You don't have to look, you know!" Stupid old pervert.

2. Arlo has now gone mobile. I was pretty concerned at first... by 9.5 months he was still doing what I affectionately call the "suzy scoot"( i would play suzy greenburg and he would scoot his little butt off)... but once we got home from Florida, it was on. The kid has not slowed down since. In fact, he pulled up to stand a couple of days after he learned to truly crawl.  Now all he wants to do is have you hold his hands so he can walk around the house. My back has never hurt more. But my heart, well.... :)

3. Arlo is now very curious and somewhat defiant. He understands that when I say "no", that I do not want him to do something, i.e play with the electrical sockets( we're trying very hard to not baby proof the house too much and get him to understand what he can and can't do. hippies) but turns and smiles at me and goes on to do exactly what I have told him not to do. He likes to rifle through mommy's purse. He enjoys attempting to get as close to the television as possible, even if it is off. He likes playing with Sadie's feet. Our house is his oyster at this point.  He has made his way into the kitchen and turned sadie's food bowls over several times, much to her dismay.

4. My child is verbal. We have been attempting to integrate some sign language, but I honestly don't think we need it. Before I had a child i was always anti sign language as I felt it would hinder the spoken word. Now I see the benefits but I really think he doesn't need it. The kid is a parrot. He repeats ( as well as he can) words you say.

5. Sleep still sucks. Your kid goes through phases.... one week they sleep through the night, the next the don't, the next they do and so on. That's just how it is. Arlo isn't a sleeper ( unless he's at grandma and grandpa's). We have accepted this.:)

6. My support group is still my savior. My husband, parents, in-laws, friends.... man, I am one lucky momma. I think that's all that needs to be said on that one.

7. Hyland's Teething Tablets and generic tylenol. Arlo's got 4 teeth and cutting 2 new ones as we speak. Maybe 3. It would be easier if he would let me look in his mouth. As it is, he doth protest too much.

8. Dwindling "only child" syndrome. As I see Arlo grow and mature... the more I think I could have just one more. But I think that about potato chips as well, so we'll see where that one goes.:)

9. My House is a Wreck. My friend put it to me this way: " Why not have your house as a kid's house? It's their place too. Once they learn to pick it up, then they can. Until then, who cares what it looks like."

10. Walking. Arlo wants to walk. All day long. His balance is off, he curls his toes, but if you hold his hands up, he cries if you try and sit him down. Hopefully he will walk on his own soon.

11. Me. I am still a frazzled momma, don't get me wrong--but I'm in a much better place. For all my friends who told me " it gets better"... it does.... and it doesn't.... but mostly it does.  Because watching the person that was in your tummy for 9 months grow into this being who says " DADADA" and " dog" and "okay" and crawls around the house with a goofy-ass grin...  it most certainly DOES get better.  Life with my son is a joy, even at 5AM. I happen to love Handy Manny.

Pediatrician= Rock Star( Hooray for awesome doctors everywhere)

Arlo turned 9 months last week, and as with every three month incriment until they are a year, he had his 9 month check up today. I have to say that Arlo's pediatrician deserves a nod in the form of a blog because he, for lack of a better term, rocks.

If you know me at ALL, even a little bit, you know that I can be somewhat anxious. You could even say neurotic if you wanted to, although I might get defensive but deep down agree with you anyway. This is fine, it is part of who I am, and no doubt this nervousness has been amplified since having a child.

At any rate, our doctor, Dr. Drasnin( he deserves real name credit here) is wonderful. He talks to us .He looks at Geoff and I when he's in the room, while at the same time glancing over at Arlo and making funny faces.  He listens to us. He doesn't just come in, check Arlo's lungs, private parts and speed out of the room... he endures my list of questions and gives us honest answers. He referenced what he did/does with is OWN children. This, my friends, is a big deal to me. Because some docs won't do to themselves or their own family what they encourage YOU to do.  If my doctor does it with his own kids, I feel comfortable doing the same with Arlo ( within medical guidelines, mind you:).

Dr. Drasnin also has a sense of humor and knows how to gauge each parental unit... and I think he realizes the type of folks Geoff and I are.

So this blog goes out to Dr. Drasnin... you are fabulous!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you.:)

Bedtime for Bonzo

Well, Arlo had a cold.

 Then we went out of town. When we came back, he had another cold. You get the gist here. We knew we had to sleep train him.... but this summer we have been so LUCKY to have folks watch him( and mommy totally at home all day every day since he has been born) that we really did not give it a second thought.

Well...  now he has some super seperation axiety.... and we are trying to deal with it accordingly. I wish his naps revolved around Days Of Our Lives and the "dramatic" turns the characters on the show endure.... because then I could totally graph his naps. I need him to be able to be graphed in exel. Sammi brady almost ALWAYS has issues at the beginning and end of the show . But he doesn't seem to care about Sammi. He pays attention ONLY to the Desmaris family which usually last the entirty of the show. Starts at one, ends at two... thinking this is a good nap time but he doesn't alway sleep. Makes me realize he is probably ME at heart. No schedule, no one telling him when to do what.  

I can deal with that.

This does not fix anything, other than babies are hard...

and we have the world's BEST support system. We are taking Arlo to Florida in October with my folks and I can't wait for him to hit the sand. Yeeehaw for the Hippie Davin baby to suck up some ocean enviornment.