Monday, July 12, 2010
I know I vent a lot about the struggles of motherhood and what not, but lately I've been taken aback at how listless and strange I feel when the little boy is not around. Geoff and I are truly blessed to have grandparents who live only 5 minutes away and who do not hesitate( and very often ask) to watch little A for us. Just last week we were in NC for a mini-vacation without the dude-- and while it was very freeing not to have to worry about diapers, feeding times, general fussiness and the like, the void( and I'm going to get really cheesy and cliched here for a second, so if you can't handle it i suggest you stop reading this entry) I felt and feel when he's not around is incredibly large( insert you're "that's what she said" jokes here). It's like a piece of me is gone-- and why shouldn't it feel like that? I carried the boy in my tummy for 9 months, so anytime apart feels odd and makes me somewhat forlorn. If you've never read Shel Silverstein's " A Missing Piece", I suggest you do, because it makes what I'm trying so very hard to say make a little more sense. I was away Saturday in Louisville for an annual gathering of friends from college-- or " The Summit" as we call it( my dad had a "summit" with his college friends so we borrowed the name) and I absolutely love getting together just to act silly and be generally goofy. I got to see a couple of older friends from high school as well which made the trip even more special. But even though I love having time to myself, I am always anxious to get back to Geoff and Arlo as quickly as possible. Not that I worry that they aren't okay or being taken care of... but because I love them more than I ever thought possible to love anyone besides my parents. It is good to get away-- especially by yourself for a bit--- because you gain a tremendous amount of perspective on your "new" life. For me, it confirms the fact that my heart, love and soul are truly linked with my son's and my husband's.