After a visit to our pediatrician's office, it was recommended to us that we start the "cry it out" method with Arlo because of his age and his lack of "good" sleep. Being a first time parent is rough, because you really have no clue how to initiate anything. Arlo still does not nap on a consistent basis( probably part of our problem) and will only do so if you nap with him. At any rate, it seems this is the method we will take( as long as we can take it). I know I said earlier that reading advice sucked... and it still does, because I get SO confused. So many contradictions out there. But my pal Tori( thanks again, my dear) sent me an article about other folks who had to go the cry it out method-- and one mother's mantra made me realize that maybe I really WAS hurting Arlo more by soothing him than by teaching him how to self soothe. It went something like " my baby is crying because he loves me so much. And because I love him, I want him to be rested and happy and learn how to sleep on his own." My father went on to say something similar in nature-- " Laura, he's a baby in a crib with a roof over his head, well-fed, well-loved, that just needs some help to sleep." And then again I am reminded of infantile amnesia...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childhood_amnesia and that developmentally, unless I drop an anvil on Arlo's head every night, he won't remember having to cry it out or have any emotional scarring because of it. Similarly, my fear of reactive attatchment disorders are unfounded as well- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_attachment_disorder because my kid obviously has awesome attachments to many folks right now. And duh... I worked with kids with attachment disorders for years. It's just different when it's YOUR kid you're worried about.
And yet, even knowing all of this... it's still hard hearing your kid cry. Here's hoping what I'm doing is "right".
Friday, August 20, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Stuff I've Learned
I want to make a list of the stuff I have learned to do since I have had Arlo. To me, it's an interesting list:
1. Type one-handed. I figure this is a generation thing-- most of my communication these days is through the computer. I have mastered the art of holding Arlo and typing with one hand. If you have received any type of email, text, etc. from me in the past seven and a half months, you've no doubt put up with many typos and " what the hell did she just say?" thoughts.
2. Multi-Task. Some folks are born with this skill-- but I had to learn. And thanks to Arlo, I have. At the same time, I can talk on the phone, fix a bottle, hold my son, let the dog out to pee, and think about what kind of food Arlo will eat at dinnertime.
3. Patience. I didn't have it before Arlo. In fact, I still struggle with it. But I've gotten better with it--- day to day. You'd think ( as did I) that I would have an abundance of it because of my work history, and I did. Kids could throw TVs at me, curse me out, threaten to blow up my car, punch my face... and I might get a little rattled. But it's totally different when it's your own kid. Never understood that until Arlo came along.
4. Unconditional Love. I love my parents unconditionally. I always have and always will. But now that I have a child, i realize that there is a different type of unconditional love out there... one that requires you to question your own morals and thoughts... and at the end of it all, you begin to understand that no matter what, your kid comes first.
5. Time Away. Not everyone gets this-- but Geoff and I are lucky because we do-- and it truly helps us to be better parents and to be better to each other.
6. What Distracts My Kid. As someone in the mental health/developmental biz, distraction is important if done properly. And the biggest thing that distracts my child from unruly tantrums???? Books. He loves to be read to.
I'm sure this list will go on, and I will add to it as I see fit.
1. Type one-handed. I figure this is a generation thing-- most of my communication these days is through the computer. I have mastered the art of holding Arlo and typing with one hand. If you have received any type of email, text, etc. from me in the past seven and a half months, you've no doubt put up with many typos and " what the hell did she just say?" thoughts.
2. Multi-Task. Some folks are born with this skill-- but I had to learn. And thanks to Arlo, I have. At the same time, I can talk on the phone, fix a bottle, hold my son, let the dog out to pee, and think about what kind of food Arlo will eat at dinnertime.
3. Patience. I didn't have it before Arlo. In fact, I still struggle with it. But I've gotten better with it--- day to day. You'd think ( as did I) that I would have an abundance of it because of my work history, and I did. Kids could throw TVs at me, curse me out, threaten to blow up my car, punch my face... and I might get a little rattled. But it's totally different when it's your own kid. Never understood that until Arlo came along.
4. Unconditional Love. I love my parents unconditionally. I always have and always will. But now that I have a child, i realize that there is a different type of unconditional love out there... one that requires you to question your own morals and thoughts... and at the end of it all, you begin to understand that no matter what, your kid comes first.
5. Time Away. Not everyone gets this-- but Geoff and I are lucky because we do-- and it truly helps us to be better parents and to be better to each other.
6. What Distracts My Kid. As someone in the mental health/developmental biz, distraction is important if done properly. And the biggest thing that distracts my child from unruly tantrums???? Books. He loves to be read to.
I'm sure this list will go on, and I will add to it as I see fit.
Lapse
My lapse in blogging has been in great part due to Arlo's seperation anxiety. Oh my goodness. When we're at home, if I leave the room, he screams. If I put him down for 2 seconds to go to the bathroom, he screams until I pick him up again. It's ridiculous. I know some might say " awww, that means he loves you" but seriously, folks... couldn't he show it in some other way? It's nice to be needed but GEEZ. I'm trying really hard to keep telling myself that it's just a phase( and I hope that it is) but it is SO HARD to ever have a moment to myself sometimes. Geoff just took him to the grocery so I could breathe. Sometimes being a mom is the best thing in the world-- and other times like right now I'm just so exhausted. I could go to bed right now. I still have to hold him for naps( although he did nap by himself the other day, so I'm counting that as progress) and that gets to be draining, because that's the time in which I need to use to clean and do other stuff around the house. He's closing in on 8 months now and I'm thinking I'm just going to have to let him cry it out. I hate it. I hate seeing those little tears streaming down his face and knowing it's MY fault that they're there in the first place. I just don't know, and I am just trying to remind myself that everyday is a new day and that we WILL get through this, just like we got through the past 7 months. I want to reiterate how much I love him and I can't imagine my life without him.... but right now I'm really, really tired. And that's just me being honest.
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