Reflections

This post has little to do with Arlo, i'm afraid. Don't worry; he's fine, in the awesome care of my husband and my in-laws... I miss him terribly. Currently I am in Bowling Green taking care of my father. My mom is in the ICU wing of the hospital and I am extremely overwhelmed. I'm headed back tomorrow to be "mommy" again although I think I have been mommy all along while I have been here in BG.

My mom is sick. I'm not sure if she'll ever fully recover from whatever it is that is going on. Doctor says it's septic shock>inflamed liver>crappy blood pressure> strange blood loss with an encore of *" we don't really know what the hell is going on". I keep going to my phone. I keep going to it because I want to call her. I want to call and ask her for help. And then the realization comes that I can't. The ONE person I need right now is the one person who can't help me.

I love her beyond words, beyond this blog, beyond anything. I find it hard to really talk about what's going on which is odd since I am always an advocate for talking about anything that is bothersome. I've never felt so completely helpless. So I beg of you, people who read this, to do what you can to send happy thoughts, prayers, etc this way. Not just for my mom but for my entire family. Dad is tripping along but he needs major support, encouragement and love. I do feel some guilt that I can't be here 24/7 for him but that's my own doing, he doesn't give me any grief. And at the same time I feel super guilty that I am not at home with my OWN family. I guess the correct term for that would be " pulled". But nobody is pulling me but myself.

I'm doing what I can-- cleaning, being secretary to all the phone calls and inquiries... but really my biggest focus is mom. This house is so empty without her.

Thanks for reading my vent.:)