Blowing in the Wind

My mom and dad were huge Peter, Paul and Mary fans. They saw Peter, Paul and Mary live many times... and I will never forget the instance in which my mother told me she got to touch " mary's flowing skirt" as mary billowed from her limousine into the Seelbach Hotel's Lounge in Louisville where my parents took a parental vacation yearly. Mom was in awe, and if you know my mother, it is very rare that she outwardly showed genuine awe of something. Not that she didn't get excited, not that she didn't care, not that she didn't have important and wonderful things happening around her... she just wasn't one of those folks who wore their "excitement" on their sleeve. Mom would have been an amazing poker player.

She would later describe the event as "magic". She was able to see her musical heroes up close and personal, and for some reason this really affected her. Whenever she would recount the evening, her eyes became starry and she sort of gazed out into the open for a bit, later coming back to her listening audience and stating " I touched her skirt. She was in one of those revolving doors and I touched her skirt. It was white."

Now that mom is gone, I think about this every time encounter wind(and not the flatulent kind:). When the wind blows, sometimes I feel as though she is haphazardly messing with my hair like she used to do, saying things like " you really need to brush this" or " let's get you in for a haircut and highlights". She bought Geoff and I some wind chimes a couple of Christmases ago, and maybe I'm just listening now, but it seems like they make a lot more noise now that she has passed away. Sometimes I imagine that she is patting me on the shoulder, telling me that everything is going to be okay, all the while staring up into the stars... as she was known to do on a consistent basis with me.

I think I am in the phase of  "looking" for things, a sign, etc... and a friend mentioned to me that I may not ever see or find a true, solid sign that my mom is, indeed, watching over me. What she did offer was that no matter what, the love that mom had for me is the biggest sign that she is still with all of us, and the love that I continue to give to my friends, family, and most importantly Arlo, is the biggest truth that she is indeed still here and present in all of our hearts for as long as we want her to be. 

I am still in awe of my mother's being, her presence, her love... I hope to be as amazing a person and mother as she was to me.

Thanks, mom.